Ginger Bug

Ksenija Dakovic

I m trying to write what comes in my head i think it’s better if i wind up dead that rhymes maybe i should be some kind of poet but ive always found it kind of hard to explain how i think in words and not pictures no thats not right its not words its feelings how i think in feelings and not words i suppose if everyone could read each others minds it wouldnt make much of a difference because we wouldnt be able to understand it anyway like how my boyfriend can probably see in 3d in his head because he has dyslexia but if you asked me to picture an apple i would just taste it in my mouth and its really annoying trying to explain or pitch something to someone cause the words never come out right im always ending first and then a bit of the middle but oh wait i forgot to introduce you to our main character her name is and then i have to question why its always easier to write women when sometimes i dont even feel like one but what even is a woman and how does one feel like one i keep thinking of the time when it first clicked that my brain was broken i couldnt fathom how my best friend had such an easy time doing laundry and showering everyday i thought it was just as difficult as her like atlas pushing a boulder uphill or whatever no its sisyphus and everyday just feels more and more sisyphean and thank god for spell check because i couldnt have told you how to spell sisyphean until literally just now this is a pretty accurate reflection of whats in my head that is of course behind the mound of chores and grocery lists and laundry lists and what are we missing in the kitchen and what do i need to do i keep forgetting why do i keep forgetting i can smell oranges i used them in a marinade today its so different making everything by hand and appreciating the little things i guess i could have just bought a tub of hummus or a jar of peanut butter and not totally fucked my blender but sometimes you just get the urge like the ginger bug bubbling away in the fridge and you just gotta know how its made did you know that the ginger plant is believed extinct the thing you make real true ginger beer with they used to make it like that in the uk before world war two but id really have to look it up to know all the facts but in nineteen thirty or forty something they made so much ginger beer that they used up all the plant or something its sort of like kombucha but ive never had that so i dont know what it tastes like but i mean the process is the same and anyway the point is that the ginger beer you buy in the store is not true atual ginger beer because it has to have that plant mother thing in it to be true actual ginger beer i get tired doing this because theres so much i want to say but i cant figure out what to focus on and like stephen king ive always been bad at endings

Ksenija Dakovic

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